madeupmonkeyshit:

when she find out you broke

madeupmonkeyshit:

when she find out you broke

finmeister:

MY MOM JUST GOT OUT HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND FOUND OUT SHES BEEN SPELLING HER NAME WRONG FOR 49 YEARS

urbancatfitters:

why do people use caps lock……why are u so excited……calm down we’re all going to die

klartie:

"we’re having mcdonalds for dinner"

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"i made cookies"

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"i did your laundry for you" 

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"we’re going out you’ll be home alone for a few hours" 

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methlaboratories:

ask any high school student what they wanna do once they leave high school and watch them cry right in front of you 

sassadilla:

the best condoms money can buy

teenageiconophile:

*seduces the president so i can find out the truth about aliens*

officialwhitegirls:

people born in december 1999 be like i miss the 90’s 

shutupaubrey:

i’m that dad who wants to start a garage band with all the other dads in the neighborhood but my wife wont let me

leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now