when she find out you broke
MY MOM JUST GOT OUT HER BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND FOUND OUT SHES BEEN SPELLING HER NAME WRONG FOR 49 YEARS
why do people use caps lock……why are u so excited……calm down we’re all going to die
"we’re having mcdonalds for dinner"
"i made cookies"
"i did your laundry for you"
"we’re going out you’ll be home alone for a few hours"
ask any high school student what they wanna do once they leave high school and watch them cry right in front of you
the best condoms money can buy
*seduces the president so i can find out the truth about aliens*
people born in december 1999 be like i miss the 90’s
i’m that dad who wants to start a garage band with all the other dads in the neighborhood but my wife wont let me
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now